Returning to Love: A Practice for Complex Times

Sometimes a single sentence doesn’t just change how you see the world—it changes how you meet it.

 For me, one of those sentences came from Reverend Gregory Boyle:

 “Compassion is not about judgment for how someone carries their burden. It’s about standing in awe that they are carrying it at all.”

 (If you’ve never read Tattoos on the Heart—his stunning book about compassion in action—I can’t recommend it enough. It's a book that doesn’t just open your mind; it bursts your heart wide open.)

 Boyle, a Jesuit priest who has spent decades working with gang members in East LA, is often seen as a living embodiment of radical compassion. His work is gritty, raw, real—and filled with extraordinary love.

 And yet, he too is human.

 In a recent conversation about compassion, someone suggested that Reverend Boyle must have an immense amount of self-love to do the work he does.

 That would make sense. But I believe the truth is simpler.

 He has a practice.

A commitment.

A path that returns him—over and over again—to love

Just like the mind of a monk wanders in meditation (because yes, it does), Boyle’s compassion isn’t constant because he’s perfect. It’s constant because he returns to it. Again and again.

And that’s the invitation for all of us.

When We Judge Ourselves, It’s Hard Not to Judge Others

In that same conversation, we reflected on how the more self-affliction we carry—the louder our inner critic—the harder it can be to extend compassion outward.

Because how can we meet others with tenderness when we’re living under a constant barrage of self-blame, judgment, and perfectionism?

 That inner voice—the quietest and yet loudest voice all at once—can be the hardest one to drown out.

 But here’s the thing: we don’t have to drown it. We simply have to notice it.

And return.

Again and again, to something deeper.

Seeing Ourselves in Others

Pema Chödrön writes, “The truest measure of compassion is not our service to those on the margins, but our willingness to see ourselves in them.”

Not from each other.
Not from their struggles.
Not from their humanity.

Because the truth is—every one of us carries fear.
Fear of not being seen. Fear of not being valued.
Fear that we might be forgotten, misunderstood, or left behind.

And when that fear goes unacknowledged, it can harden.
It can turn into distance. Into judgment.
Into forgetting that behind every opinion, every action, every face—there is a story we do not fully know.

But underneath the noise—
Underneath the differences, the assumptions, the rush to defend or divide—
There are still beating hearts.
There are still people carrying burdens we cannot see.

What if our work—no matter our faith, background, or beliefs—is to return to the part of us that remembers that?

The part that sees with softness.
The part that chooses love.
The part that knows:

None of us are untouched.
And none of us are truly alone.

Practice to Return to Love

This week, try this:

✨ When you feel triggered by someone’s behavior, pause.

✨ Take one breath. Feel your feet on the ground. And silently ask yourself: “What burden might they be carrying that I can’t see?”

✨ And then, if you can, extend the same question inward: “What burden am I carrying that needs compassion right now?”

Compassion is not a trait we have or don’t. It’s a practice we return to.

And the more we return to it for ourselves, the easier it becomes to extend it to others.

A Space to Practice Presence—Together

In a world full of judgment, reactivity, and separation—we need places to return to love.

 This is why I created Calm & Connect.

 It’s not just about stress relief.

It’s about creating a space to remember who we are—and how we want to meet each other.

 To listen, breathe, and return.

🌿 Join us this Sunday, May 4th.

And if you're a leader ready to bring this work into your organization—through keynotes, workshops, or weekly mindfulness sessions—this is the work I’ve done for over a decade.

Helping high performers slow down enough to come alive again.

Helping organizations become more human.

🔗 Join Calm & Connect

🔗 Explore 1:1 Coaching or Corporate Support

Anxiety and Compassion: Learning to Work with Your Mind 🙌

Today, I want to share something about anxiety, and how, oddly enough, it's often our own compassion showing up in disguise. Anxiety has been a part of my journey, too—one that's driven me into this work of learning to befriend my own mind.

Anxiety has a way of taking root in the unknown. The moment our brain senses uncertainty, it kicks into “protection mode,” imagining all the worst-case scenarios to help us prepare. But instead of helping us, it usually just paralyzes us.

It's almost as if our brain clutches onto anxiety like a well-worn security blanket, thinking, “If I hold onto this, I'll stay safe.” The problem? That “blanket” doesn't actually keep us safe. It keeps us stuck.

This weekend, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche helped me see anxiety in a new light. What's happening when we feel anxiety is actually compassion. Our mind wants to help, to comfort, but because it lacks clear direction, it reaches for the quick-fix—something to numb the discomfort. For some of us, it's reaching for a purchase, hiding in the pantry, a fight, or a glass of wine. But this well-meaning urge to “fix” can actually amplify the problem.

Listening to the Body's Early Warnings

One thing I've noticed—and maybe you have too—is that our body often knows anxiety is brewing before our brain even catches on. Maybe it's a quickening heart, a tightening in the chest, or that scatterbrained feeling.

Instead of checking out in that moment, what if we checked in?

For me, that shift came when I realized that anxiety shows up as my brain's way of protecting me—a relentless need to “know” an outcome in uncertain situations. Here's something fascinating: our brains are prediction machines, constantly scanning for answers to help us feel secure. They want to be “right” because accuracy kept our ancestors alive. But when we face ambiguity, our brains can spiral into worst-case scenarios, feeding anxiety instead of offering clarity.

Over the years, I've discovered tools that help me work with my mind rather than fight it. Some of these tools are exercises I teach to organizations and clients—great for building resilience—and others are quick resets for when you're on the go. One practice that's been especially invaluable lately? Pausing and connecting with curiosity and compassion.

Challenging the Anxious Brain

In the middle of a busy grocery store recently, I found myself “back in the attic” of my mind—everything felt dim and narrow, like I was on autopilot, barely noticing what I was putting in my cart.

With my scattered mind, I stopped, placed a hand over my heart, and gently rubbed it. This small, grounding gesture—taught to me by a mentor—sends a signal to the nervous system, telling it to settle down. Physical touch activates the vagus nerve, helping to calm the body, while reminding both heart and mind that it's safe to relax. Paired with a few slow, deep breaths, this act disrupts the anxiety loop just enough to create space for a shift in perspective.

After grounding myself, I posed a simple question to my brain: “What if it's better than I could ever imagine? What would that look like?” This question disrupts the anxious cycle by offering my mind something positive to consider. It's like saying to my brain, “I hear you, but let's also consider this.” This shift from “What if everything goes wrong?” to “What if things turn out beautifully?” opens up a mental space where anxiety can transform into curiosity and even hope.

The Power of Compassionate Curiosity

The beauty of this practice isn't that it erases anxiety—it transforms our relationship with it. By building a more compassionate, less reactive connection with our minds, we create space for other possibilities.

I often teach and speak on The BeAbove Leadership model called the 7 Levels of Effectiveness, which guides us from fear and frustration into courage, and ultimately, innovation. We can't expect ourselves to leap from fear to innovation in one go. But this practice offers a bridge: it allows us to step into courage, opening the door to countless possibilities and new ways to navigate what we once thought were impossible situations. Through this shift, even the most daunting moments can be reimagined, revealing unexpected paths forward.

Through this shift, even the most daunting moments can be reimagined, revealing unexpected paths forward.

Your Invitation to Pause, Connect, and Find Calm

As I step into the final stages of my journey to become a Master Certified Coach (MCC)—after thousands of hours coaching and training others—I'm thrilled to offer two discounted coaching sessions to new clients who are open to recording the sessions (audio only!) as part of my evaluation process and exam.

If you're looking to dig deeper, gain clarity, or simply reconnect with a sense of calm, I'd be honored to support you. This is for a very limited time and only available to a few individuals.

Have Questions? Simply reply to this email or contact her at 404-840-2238. 

Alternatively - ready to dig in?!? Grab your spot here! 

AND if you're searching for a supportive space to navigate this season with curiosity and clarity, join me for our free Calm & Connect sessions. This week, our session time has shifted to 10am ET (from 11am ET), and I'd LOVE for you to join us. Together, we'll practice grounding ourselves, connecting with compassion, and finding clarity amid the chaos.

Wishing you ease, curiosity, and peace, wherever you are.

P.S. You have permission to take a pause, just like you would offer to someone else in need. Let's give that gift to ourselves, too.

Empowerment through Choice: From Fear to Courage with Ancient Wisdom👵

Everyday we stand at a crossroads; faced with decisions and choices that shape our lives. 

And while it is said that it's the big moments that define us,  I argue that it is in the micro-moments, the ones that seen insignificant, where our character and resilience are cultivated. These micro-moments can strengthen our core OR, if we are not mindful, send us spiraling down a vortex of destructive thoughts and actions, knocking us off kilter, distancing us from what we desire most.

This parable brilliantly cuts straight to the heart of truth, reflecting the power of choice in those micro-moments:

The Essence of Our Daily Choices

Every day, multiple times a day, we stand before these wolves, and the choices we make, particularly in  fleeting moments, shape our reality. They determine whether we live a world dominated by fear and division or one flourishing with compassion and unity.

It's in what we choose to say, and what we withhold, how we to engage, the actions we take and the thoughts we entertain.  

And whether those thoughts are directed at ourselves or others, it makes no difference because feeding the wolf of shame, malice, righteousness: it eats at our core, and destabilizes our peace and influences our actions towards ourselves and others.

In leadership, as in life, it can be tempting to take the path of least resistance, succumbing to ego and anger And it's understandable; beyond whats largely modeled, there's a dopamine kick associated with it, making it both addictive and fleetingly rewarding. But as enticing as it may be, this path is treacherous in the long run.

A Personal Reflection: The Journey Toward Compassion

Acknowledging the presence of these wolves has been transformational for me. Feeding the wolf swayed by ego had become habit, shaped by influential figures and authorities who promoted a dog-eat-dog kind of world and/or were accustomed to putting others down ( self included) in order to feed the need for power.

While these influences can infiltrate our own mannerisms, how we think and behave towards others and ourselves, the road to unlearning - to feeding the wolf of curiosity, fortitude, resilience and peace - is life changing.  It requires constant (compassionate) vigilance and an unwavering commitment to growth and wellbeing. 

But what I can assure you is this - when you consciously choose which wolf to feed, your world transforms. Each of us will experience this change differently.

A Challenge for You: Which Wolf Will You Feed?

As we forge ahead, I extend to you a challenge: In every decision, every interaction, consider deeply which wolf you are feeding. This is not about an aggressive vigilance, but rather a compassionate awareness, knowing that without awareness we cannot be at choice. But with awareness we can choose… and while we may choose the more perilous path from time to time, we opt to reflect on the chain reactions and results and choose differently the next time we find ourselves at similar crossroads.

This is not merely a choice but a profound responsibility. Our thoughts, words, and actions hold the potential to transform not just our lives but the world at large.

Let us be active architects rather than passive dreamers of a brighter future. Each choice we make lays a brick in the foundation of the world we wish to inhabit, a world where leadership is synonymous with empathy, integrity, growth and genuine connection.

As always, if you are ready for more guidance on “how” and tools, reach out, and let's connect!  Whether for 1:1 coaching or corporate work programs that build resilience and enhance mental and emotional wellbeing, we've got you covered!

Gratitude + Tools To Navigate Stress

Let's have a real talk. As November further unfurls, you'll be swimming in messages that spotlight gratitude. And while that's beautifully important, I’d like to dive into something that’s equally needed in the midst of storms, challenges and complex conversations.

You know the ones that can send you reeling?

A memory surfaces: a while back, on a day that began like any other, I faced a setback – and really a verbal and personal attack that left me staggering. Shocked, really… And in that moment, against all data and practicality, self-doubt surged… it was so palpable. The attack was reflective of something said to me in my youth, that, for a time, had defined me - how I viewed myself and the world. I was young and I didn’t know better. So these words, meant to drive a dagger where it would be most felt, resurfaced that wound.

Fear and anger boiled, and I could feel its potential to take over. Its potential to guide my thoughts, my actions, and my state of mind. But in that same instant, I also saw something different, a glimmer.

That glimmer beckoned me to breathe, to not respond, and to pause. To have compassion.

I was able to unhook my brain from stress and fear (harnessing the advice and direction I so often give others), and that piercing moment quickly transformed into a series of stunning realizations.

Not only was there tremendous learning which seeped into my bones, but the biggest gift? The opportunity to re-write a decades-old narrative, and to choose how I wanted to integrate and embed that moment and its meaning.

The reminder? Every moment is an opportunity to choose differently. To rewrite narratives, and to rewire the way we respond to our triggers, to our anger and to our fears.

Because when we act from a place driven by the above, the results? Ineffective at best, and but more often than not, destructive to ourselves and beyond.

🌊 The 3 C’s: A Compass for Navigating Rough Seas 🌊

1. Compassion: There is a wild misunderstanding that compassion is complacency. Rather, true compassion is fierce, and it facilitates our second C, Clarity. Embrace yourself with the same warmth and understanding you'd offer a dear friend. Extend that gentle compassion to others too – In doing so, you'll find setbacks morphing into bridges of connection and healing.

2. Clarity: Amid life's whirlwinds, PAUSE. With that fierce compassion, take a courageous moment to truly see, to discern the path ahead. By doing this, you not only navigate your immediate surroundings but also the broader canvas of life, ensuring you and those around you thrive.

3. Conscious Action: Actions speak louder than words, but conscious actions echo into eternity. Empowered by compassion and guided by clarity, make choices that are thoughtful and deliberate, considering both personal well-being and the collective good.

💌 Redefining Gratitude & A Special Invitation 💌
While gratitude is the buzzword of November, let's redefine it. Don't just be thankful for the peaks; find strength and gratitude in the valleys. Those challenges? They’re not stumbling blocks; they’re stepping stones to our brightest self.