How Redefining Failure Unlocks Unimaginable Growth and Success
Fear of failure. Studies reveal that up to 70% of people hold back from pursuing their dreams due to this very fear.
Happy Halloween!
🎃 Ghosts, haunted houses, and horror movies might be spooky, but you know what’s really terrifying? The fear that keeps us stuck and stops us from reaching new heights.
Fear of failure. Studies reveal that up to 70% of people hold back from pursuing their dreams due to this very fear.
In our last Calm & Connect conversation, we explored a powerful truth: we’ve been getting failure all wrong.
In English and particularly in Western culture, failure has become a destination—an endpoint that feels mutually exclusive with success. It’s as though you either reach “success” or fall into “failure,” with no space in between. And this binary mindset is holding us back.
When failure is seen as an identity—“I failed, so I am a failure”—it prevents us from trying new things, embracing a growth mindset, innovating, and thriving as human beings. We forget, as Archbishop Desmond Tutu reminds us, that “we’re not meant to be perfect from the word ‘go’.”
But not all cultures share this perspective. In Mandarin, failure is inherently understood as part of growth, and in Portuguese, the word “fracasso” refers to failure as a temporary condition, not a permanent state. It encourages resilience and persistence, recognizing that failure isn’t final—it’s just another chapter in the journey.
A Personal Story: Pushing My Growing Edge
Recently, I attended the BrainTrust Live Women’s Conference in Nashville, where the theme was failure.
Wildly successful entrepreneurs—those who have built multi-million-dollar companies—shared their stories, not just of their achievements, but of their failures and what those failures taught them both personally and professionally.
I found myself in that room feeling both inspired and uncomfortable. Why? Because I was pushing at my own growing edge. As many of you know, I’m currently building The Reset Room alongside my dear friend and colleague, Mirette Seireg. It’s a vision that we—and many others—believe has the potential to add tremendous value to organizations and institutions.
But here’s what I’ve come to realize: when I sit in that fear, I do nothing. The project doesn’t grow; neither do I. But when I remember that failure isn’t a stop sign—it’s not a period at the end of a sentence—but rather an opportunity to learn, iterate, and improve, my mindset shifts.
Failure becomes a catalyst for growth, a stepping stone on the path to progress. 🌱✨
So, I Ask You:
Where are you afraid to fail?
Where have you seen failure as “the end,” and what would happen if you shifted your perspective to see it as a learning curve on the path to success?
Whether it’s a new relationship, a job, a venture, or something deeply personal—how might redefining failure open the floodgates to success?
Navigating Fear and Stress this Week
To help you navigate the stress and uncertainty in the coming days, I’m offering three opportunities to join me for live meditations:
1️⃣ Calm & Connect: Sunday, 10am CT—Shift your mindset as we dive deeper into topics like fear, failure, and resilience. Sign up here.
2️⃣ Insight Timer Live: Election Day, Tuesday, 10am CT & 3pm C.
"Finding Calm Amidst the Storm." Join these free meditations to reconnect with clarity and inner peace during tense times.
Let’s be honest, this is a far better way to spend your time than being glued to the rollercoaster of news reporting all day. Give yourself this gift of space to breathe, center, and find resilience amidst the chaos.
Click the links below 👇 to sign up and prioritize your mental wellbeing this week. Let’s take a collective breath and lead with intention.
Important November Calm & Connect Updates 💛
Just a heads up! Our next Calm & Connect falls on the same day as Daylight Savings Time, but our session time remains the same:
Sunday, November 3rd, 8am PT / 11am ET.
Please note: On November 17th, due to Rachel's schedule, Calm and Connect will be held one hour earlier at 7am PT / 10am ET.
Looking forward to connecting with you!
UPCOMING EVENTS
"The Day Came..." Embrace Discomfort and Unlock True Growth
Growth isn't a one-time leap; it's an ongoing process. In those moments of discomfort, we often find ourselves at a crossroads: ill we numb ourselves with distractions or will we choose to lean in, even when it feels like too much?
We've all been there—pushing forward, trying to reach the next level of success, only to find ourselves in the middle of extraordinary discomfort. So much so, that momentarily we begin to question ourselves: "Am I really cut out for this? Who do I think I am? Maybe I should just be satisfied with the status quo, or what I've already achieved."
It's that feeling that can stop us in our tracks. And if we listen to it, a small (or large) part of us starts to shrink.
But here's something important to remember: discomfort is not a roadblock. It's an invitation to grow.
Growth isn't a one-time leap; it's an ongoing process. In those moments of discomfort, we often find ourselves at a crossroads: Will we numb ourselves with distractions—blame, anger, shopping, eating, or overworking? Or will we choose to lean in, even when it feels like too much?
This is where transformation happens. When we embrace discomfort instead of avoiding it, we create space for real growth. We realize that what we've been avoiding is the very thing that will help us blossom.
The Power of Embracing Discomfort
Time and again, I see this with my clients. They reach incredible milestones—scaling their businesses, growing their teams, and expanding their lives. But at some point, they all hit a breaking point, where they are asked to stretch further, to grow beyond what they thought was possible.
It's in these moments—when we lean in, reflect, pause, and face the discomfort—that true growth happens. Anaïs Nin captures this beautifully: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
It's not about having all the answers—it's about trusting yourself to take that first step into the unknown and letting the rest unfold.
I've Been There Too: The Reset Room Journey
This process of growth doesn't just apply to personal development—it's at the core of every successful venture. And trust me, I've been there too with The Reset Room.
As some of you know, I've been on an incredible journey with my partners, bringing this extraordinary vision to life. Our goal is to support organizations and high-stress environments like conferences and corporate offices with a space designed to address stress, wellbeing, and leadership in a transformative way.
But, like any true innovation, there have been plenty of "oh crap!" moments—moments of extraordinary discomfort, where we hold the dichotomy of both clarity and uncertainty. The truth is, in this pilot phase, we don't have all the answers yet. But that's exactly where the real opportunity lies.
I've had my own moments of insecurity and doubt with this project, wondering, “Am I really ready for this?” And yet, every time I take a deep breath, step back, and truly listen, the answer is a resounding YES. And as I navigate through the discomfort, I'm reminded of the profound impact The Reset Room has already had: The feedback has been incredible, and the ripple effects are already starting to show—people are walking away more grounded, more focused, and more equipped to handle the challenges that lie ahead.
It's through sitting with both the discomfort and the unknown that we create something far bigger than ourselves. When we embrace the not-knowing, we get to play, to imagine infinite possibilities, and to co-create with others who are just as invested in the vision.
What Are You Ready to Embrace?
So, I ask you: What discomfort are you avoiding? What challenges are inviting you to lean in, trust yourself, and take that first step toward the growth that's waiting on the other side?
Remember: It's not just about weathering the storm—it's about blossoming because of it.
If you're feeling ready to embrace that next level of growth—for yourself, your team, or your organization—I'd love to support you on this journey. And if The Reset Room feels like the space your organization needs to create lasting transformation, let's talk about how we can bring it to life together.
Here's to the courage to grow, the strength to lean in, and the beauty of what's on the other side.
P.S. If this resonates, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a note or comment, and let’s continue the conversation.
The Game Changer for Leadership and Life: Navigating Anxiety and Cultivating Self-Love
Addressing anxiety and self-love involves building a new relationship with the voices inside our heads—the ones that fuel our aggression or amplify our anxiety.
"To expand our sphere of comfort, we must first sit in discomfort."
These words were steeped in my bones during a recent and soul-stirring silent retreat in Boone, NC with Gurudev, renowned for his global humanitarian efforts. For some, the idea of silence sounds miserable; for others, pure bliss. For me, while it would have been true pain years ago, it was a huge gift that I gave to myself.
During the retreat, while we couldn't speak, we could submit questions on paper to Gurudev, hoping for answers. The number of questions asking, “How do I love myself?” or “How do I rid myself of my anxiety?” was pervasive.
Here's the thing: these questions are not just personal issues. How we feel about ourselves influences every action and interaction. I've seen this impact firsthand—whether through my own experiences or through the stories shared by those I have the privilege to work with. Anxiety and self-doubt can be incredibly limiting, affecting our clarity, decision-making, and overall well-being.
Transforming Anxiety, Building Self-Love & Changing our World
We live in a polarized world where fear and inadequacy often drive our actions and interactions. It's important to understand that when we, even unconsciously, live with these feelings, they directly impact our brain chemistry, reducing our ability to listen, engage, and collaborate. To change this, we need to start with ourselves.
By doing our personal work, and addressing the issues of anxiety and self love, we begin to repair the fabric that's been torn apart—within our relationships, at work, and at scale. We can lay down our defenses, listen more openly, and work together to build bridges and innovative solutions never before imagined.
A friend responded to a recent post I shared about all the questions asked to Gurudev with the following:
"Thank you, I really needed that today. Your post really resonates with the work I've been trying to do lately. And I do think that it hits on the hardest question: how do we truly love ourselves?"
He further acknowledged that some of the things we tend to do to allegedly build ourselves up are actually to our detriment. Here's what I shared with him:
It's a practice that requires courage. It involves sitting and looking at what pulls us away—what internal dialogue and limiting beliefs are impeding access. How do we listen with both compassion and detachment? Because it's our attachment to those words that gives them their power. With that listening of compassion, detachment, and ultimately discernment, we can start to change the dialogue and the narrative.
Addressing anxiety and self-love involves building a new relationship with the voices inside our heads—the ones that fuel our aggression or amplify our anxiety. Mindfulness and compassion are not just abstract concepts; they are skills that can be developed.
It's also critical to note that self-love is not a destination but a continuous practice. It demands that we confront our internal dialogues, challenge limiting beliefs, and rewrite the narratives that no longer serve us.
So, what are you doing as an organization or leader to support yourself—and your people?
In my bi-weekly Calm and Connect sessions (open to everyone and happening THIS SUNDAY), we explore practical ways to develop these skills. There is a way to begin, and it starts with small, intentional steps.
If you're seeking support in this journey, whether for yourself or your organization, reach out. Let's connect and explore how I can help you lead with clarity and heart.
P.S. Join us for the next Calm & Connect session, this Sunday, July 28th to strengthen the muscle of mindfulness and dive into essential reflection alongside others.
Stop Unconsciously Filtering Your World
As many of you might know, I am a fiend… FIEND for growth and learning. At any given moment I have no less than 10 books in my virtual shopping cart and 10 BEGGING to be read in all corners of my home (seriously, I swear some look at me with pleading eyes).
A few weeks ago, I got to immerse myself in a 4-day (12hrs each day!) training, designed to teach me more about the brain and how to rewire unwanted, debilitating, and devitalizing beliefs and behaviors at the deepest levels. I learned quite a bit and was reminded of other essential, quite frankly, mind blowing facts. So, as you can imagine, I wanted to share a few precious gems and takeaways with you.
“When you give up reasons and excuses, you start getting results.” -Dr. Matt James, Empowerment, Inc.
Throughout my twenties, I had reasons. Reasons why I couldn't have what I wanted. I was successful by societal standards, but I was unhappy and wildly disconnected from myself and my most authentic, greater goals.
Then… something happened which altered my perspective on life and a deep tectonic shift occurred within me.
I started to look at - and quite frankly - approach life differently. I started giving up reasons, and I got extraordinary results. Immediately, my life shifted dramatically, and I made huge pivots many called courageous, but for me, they were purely requisite.
As I continue my practice of giving up reason after reason, massive opportunities for growth continue to reveal themselves almost daily in my business, my leadership, my relationships, and my life. And the rewards, well they are never ending.
Our mind at any given time takes in 2,000,000 bits of information, but we only consciously process 126 bits.
I had heard this once before, but I don’t think it stuck as strongly as it did a few weeks ago. Perhaps it’s because I am more familiar with something called the RAS – our Reticular Activating Systems. In layman’s terms it is a system in our brain which tells our conscious mind what bits to process on the conscious level.
For example: You’re like my sister in her 20’s and decide you’d love a red BMW. Suddenly you see red BMWs EVERYWHERE. Or you’re like my mother, and you decide you want to try out Pilates, and suddenly it’s as though your city has turned into a Pilates haven. That desire plants a seed within the RAS, guiding your conscious mind towards which 126 bits it should process.
Envision 2 million toothpicks falling from the sky and you are reaching for the 126 bright green ones.
Why does this matter?
Have you ever been on a trip and to one person it is the most beautiful or exciting place, but to another, it’s dirty and/or miserable? Take New York City for example. To many it’s the most exciting city in the world, filled with fascinating people, events and conversations. For others it’s dirty, rude, and cramped. Like any place, it, in many ways, can be BOTH. But through the RAS one’s experience and what they SEE and what they EXPERIENCE is dramatically influenced by the 126 bits the RAS points the conscious mind to “pick up.”
Our Brain Does Not Process Negatives.
Why does this matter? Have you ever told someone private information and specifically said “don’t tell anyone” only to find out that information somehow slipped from their lips? Unfortunately, what their unconscious brain processes is “tell others.” When we re-language our words to align with what we want, we get a different result. “Don’t tell anyone” can easily be re-languaged to, “I know (or am grateful) you will keep this between us, and I wanted to share it with you.” Now you have not only empowered and made that person feel special, but you have planted the seed that “they will keep it sacred.”
Furthermore, in reflection, what I love about this is: while it is essential to reflect on and know what we don’t want, we really should spend more time speaking about, and reflecting on what we do want. Too often we spend so much time and mental energy on the “don’t want,” we limit our engagement and visioning of what it is that we do want. It’s as though we point our focus in the direction we want to avoid, instead of focusing our attention, where we want to go.
In truth, it can be hard to know where we should point that focus. However it's far harder, long term to never get there, and find yourself always looking behind.
You want to rewire old habits and beliefs? You must work with the unconscious.
I often quote Carl Jung who said, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So much of the work I do is about cultivating awareness so that we can bring greater (awareness) to the unconscious drivers of our lives. But this weekend, I learned more about the stats.
To clarify, our subconscious mind is the reservoir of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that operate beneath the conscious. Think of an iceberg. The conscious mind is 5 percent (max) above the surface of the water, while really, what’s holding everything up (and driving our lives) is the 95 percent beneath the surface: that subconscious reservoir.
What’s more is that the subconscious mind is largely programmed by the time you are 7 years old. Ever wonder why you sometimes feel like your internal 7-year-old is throwing a temper tantrum or running your life? Until you make the unconscious conscious, this part of your brain will direct your life and you will feel as though you have no real control over your actions.
Quite honestly, it’s one of the reasons Mindfulness is so extraordinarily powerful. It enables us to bring to light the unconscious thoughts, behaviors, and drivers of our lives so that we can shift them to align with our greatest goals and desires.
So, give up your excuses, adjust your language to be specific with what you want (for yourself and others) and create the opportunity to allow what you WANT to come into your conscious awareness to step forward. Start making the unconscious, conscious. Simple right?
Re-writing your brain, making the unconscious conscious and ceasing the pattern of accepting excuses can feel like a lot to tackle on your own. I’d love to help! Whether for you - or your organization - reach out and let’s start you on your journey today.