Returning to Love: A Practice for Complex Times

Sometimes a single sentence doesn’t just change how you see the world—it changes how you meet it.

 For me, one of those sentences came from Reverend Gregory Boyle:

 “Compassion is not about judgment for how someone carries their burden. It’s about standing in awe that they are carrying it at all.”

 (If you’ve never read Tattoos on the Heart—his stunning book about compassion in action—I can’t recommend it enough. It's a book that doesn’t just open your mind; it bursts your heart wide open.)

 Boyle, a Jesuit priest who has spent decades working with gang members in East LA, is often seen as a living embodiment of radical compassion. His work is gritty, raw, real—and filled with extraordinary love.

 And yet, he too is human.

 In a recent conversation about compassion, someone suggested that Reverend Boyle must have an immense amount of self-love to do the work he does.

 That would make sense. But I believe the truth is simpler.

 He has a practice.

A commitment.

A path that returns him—over and over again—to love

Just like the mind of a monk wanders in meditation (because yes, it does), Boyle’s compassion isn’t constant because he’s perfect. It’s constant because he returns to it. Again and again.

And that’s the invitation for all of us.

When We Judge Ourselves, It’s Hard Not to Judge Others

In that same conversation, we reflected on how the more self-affliction we carry—the louder our inner critic—the harder it can be to extend compassion outward.

Because how can we meet others with tenderness when we’re living under a constant barrage of self-blame, judgment, and perfectionism?

 That inner voice—the quietest and yet loudest voice all at once—can be the hardest one to drown out.

 But here’s the thing: we don’t have to drown it. We simply have to notice it.

And return.

Again and again, to something deeper.

Seeing Ourselves in Others

Pema Chödrön writes, “The truest measure of compassion is not our service to those on the margins, but our willingness to see ourselves in them.”

Not from each other.
Not from their struggles.
Not from their humanity.

Because the truth is—every one of us carries fear.
Fear of not being seen. Fear of not being valued.
Fear that we might be forgotten, misunderstood, or left behind.

And when that fear goes unacknowledged, it can harden.
It can turn into distance. Into judgment.
Into forgetting that behind every opinion, every action, every face—there is a story we do not fully know.

But underneath the noise—
Underneath the differences, the assumptions, the rush to defend or divide—
There are still beating hearts.
There are still people carrying burdens we cannot see.

What if our work—no matter our faith, background, or beliefs—is to return to the part of us that remembers that?

The part that sees with softness.
The part that chooses love.
The part that knows:

None of us are untouched.
And none of us are truly alone.

Practice to Return to Love

This week, try this:

✨ When you feel triggered by someone’s behavior, pause.

✨ Take one breath. Feel your feet on the ground. And silently ask yourself: “What burden might they be carrying that I can’t see?”

✨ And then, if you can, extend the same question inward: “What burden am I carrying that needs compassion right now?”

Compassion is not a trait we have or don’t. It’s a practice we return to.

And the more we return to it for ourselves, the easier it becomes to extend it to others.

A Space to Practice Presence—Together

In a world full of judgment, reactivity, and separation—we need places to return to love.

 This is why I created Calm & Connect.

 It’s not just about stress relief.

It’s about creating a space to remember who we are—and how we want to meet each other.

 To listen, breathe, and return.

🌿 Join us this Sunday, May 4th.

And if you're a leader ready to bring this work into your organization—through keynotes, workshops, or weekly mindfulness sessions—this is the work I’ve done for over a decade.

Helping high performers slow down enough to come alive again.

Helping organizations become more human.

🔗 Join Calm & Connect

🔗 Explore 1:1 Coaching or Corporate Support

How to Silence the Relentless Cacophony of Voices 📣

Have you ever noticed a cacophony of voices inside your head? Criticizing, doubting, and often holding you back from your true potential?

If your answer is yes, you're not alone. And while these internal dialogues can feel relentless, they also hold a key to profound self-discovery and freedom.

Inspired by the wisdom of 7th Century Zen master Seng-tsan, and shared by Tara Brach, I've been contemplating the idea that freedom is being "without anxiety about imperfection."

Consider that for a moment: Freedom is “without anxiety about imperfection.”

The voices that run rampant usually stake their energy on their perception of your imperfection, driven by a sometimes quiet-- other times megaphone📣-in-your-ear- fear of inadequacy or unworthiness.

Freedom from that anxiety of imperfection is not about silencing our inner critics, but rather learning to coexist with, and even at times leveraging them in a way that diminishes their control over us.

Designing a new Dynamic 🖊

Imagine for a moment the possibility of a new relationship with these voices where you listen to them with understanding and gentle curiosity rather than resistance. 

To be honest, for me at times, it has felt like I am drowning in their outpour.

For some - or rather many - of us, the tendency can be to numb, distract and disconnect; anything to guard against hearing the soft hum of these incessant voices. But when we can learn to lean in, to listen in a radical way, with compassion for ourselves and curiosity, we weaken their power and begin to find a form of liberation.

In recent weeks I have been playing with a concept that has been transformative. It's built on everything I've used and taught to date. For the sake of your eyes👀, and time 🕗, I am going to start with the foundations this strategy relies upon, and then I will share more about this process both in Sunday's Calm and Connect AND our next newsletter.

So let's start with the foundations, because without this, you cannot leverage the rest of the strategy. 

Foundation I 🌱

Pausing. While pausing may seem overly simplistic, when we try to ignore, fight or even “shut out,” the voices, they instead turn the faucets on full force, leaking constant contamination into the water of our mind.

The result? In addition to a low hum of suffocation,  we cannot see or perceive clearly. We become more reactive, tense and resistant to external stimuli (people, comments, interactions) because everything reinforces their narrative.

Pausing and simply acknowledging their presence is essential if we want to shut off the valve and start to decontaminate the water.

It also enables us to take a step back and see the voices for what they are: thoughts driven by fear, wanting us to be happy, but wildly off base in how to make that happen, manufacturing misery in the process. 

As we approach our next Calm and Connect event, I highly encourage you to reflect on your own inner dialogue. How do these voices shape your reality?

How might your life change if you viewed them through a lens of compassion and curiosity?

And then start with those pauses.

I am excited to dig in further to Part II of this conversation with you, both later this month - and through rich conversation at our next Calm & Connect!

If you haven't already, sign up below!

The Critical Distinction Between Judgement and Discernment - And Why It’s Essential For Your Leadership

Did you know that the difference between Judgement and Discernment is HUGE, critical - AND it’s life and leadership transforming?? 👇

Discernment simply looks at the facts: what works, what won't, and can be a bridge to curiosity to look at how to navigate complex situations. It lacks the emotional baggage judgment carries.

Judgment, on the other hand, creates divides, within ourselves and others. It’s black and white, leaves no room for curiosity, and can stir self-righteousness, can make us (kinda) feel better about ourselves.. Or even really feel better about ourselves.

For example: discernment says “maybe my boss is overstressed, and scared herself and has not learned how to manage it well” Judgment on the other hand says “My boss has the emotional intelligence of a second grade squirrel.”

But again, it creates divides…

… and then when we direct it at ourselves, Ooph! That is a whole other talk and conversation - but it is worse than our worst critic.

… And judgment makes it really difficult to relate, communicate, collaborate, resolve issues, never mind innovate - and come up with out-of-the box solutions when it's most needed.

BUT as you start to leverage discernment, it begins to rewire habitual reactions - shifts your state of mind - which shifts your actions, interactions and ultimately the results that you get.

Where could you leverage a bit of discernment? It’s your game-changer.

If you are ready to embrace this game-changer, and not just understand but truly embody this difference, and want to connect for 1:1 coaching or corporate workshops, keynotes and trainings, reach out, let’s connect.