What needs to die—so you can fully live? 🌱
"Every night, I choose to die…I let my ego, my known 'self' die, and I wake up each day, ready to be reborn."
Recently, while co-facilitating an Entrepreneurs’ Organization Retreat in Mexico, my co-facilitator Jesús shared a practice that struck me deep in my core:
"Every night, I choose to die… it’s not easy, but I let my ego, my known 'self' die, and I wake up each day, ready to be reborn."
At first, I just listened.
Then, the weight of it settled in.
What would it mean to let the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us die each night?
What would it look like to wake up lighter, freer, untethered to old fears and patterns…or even identities we work so hard to justify and defend?
I kept coming back to this:
So much of what keeps us from fully living isn’t what’s happening around us—it’s what we’re unwilling to release.
And when I did, something shifted:
✨ The fear loosened its grip—but it didn’t leave.
✨ Instead, it sharpened my awareness. Made every moment richer, brighter, more alive.
✨ It made me stop waiting for life to happen—and start choosing it, now.
✨ It made me ask: What am I still holding onto that’s keeping me from fully living?
And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Most of us are gripping onto something—whether we realize it or not.
A belief. A fear. An identity we’ve outgrown.
Maybe for you, it’s…
💭 "I am someone who always struggles."
💭 "Who I am is not enough."
💭 "I can’t let this go—what if I lose everything?"
But what if you let that version of yourself die?
Not all at once. Not forcefully.
But gently, like an exhale. Like an old weight slipping off your shoulders.
What if, every night, you laid down your fears—so that every morning, you could wake up as something more?
There’s something fascinating about oyster farming in New Zealand.
Long lines are dropped into the ocean, and oysters—tiny, free, unanchored—attach themselves.
They grow there. They harden there.
And eventually, they are farmed and harvested.
But what they don’t realize is—they could let go.
They could release themselves into the open ocean, into movement, into life.
But they don’t.
And neither do we.
We grip onto what we know, even when it keeps us small, stuck, afraid.
We hold onto who we were, even when it keeps us from becoming who we could be.
We forget that we have the power to unhook—to step into something bigger, freer, more expansive.
So, I’ll ask you:
👉 Where are you holding on so tightly that it’s keeping you from fully living?
Scarcity: The Fear That’s Hard to Release
For me, scarcity is something I have had to unhook from again and again.
I grew up hearing:
"We may have this today—but we may not be able to tomorrow."
It was meant to teach me gratitude.
Instead, it wired me for anxiety, control, and the fear of not having enough.
And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Scarcity doesn’t just show up around money.
For some, it’s about Love. Stability. Security. Worth.
It’s the quiet belief that whispers:
"I must hold on. I must play it safe. I must grip tighter—because what if I lose everything?"
And yet, here’s what I know:
The more we hold on in fear, the more we lose in presence.
It’s like an app running in the background, draining energy we don’t even realize we’re spending. And unless we consciously shut it down, compassionately close it out—it keeps pulling us away from life.
What Needs to Die—So You Can Fully Live?
I’ll be honest: This is a daily practice.
I don’t do it perfectly. I get stuck, I forget, I grip too tightly.
But there’s a whisper in me that always nudges me back to presence.
And so today, I’m pausing.
To ask myself:
✨ What am I gripping too tightly?
✨ What am I afraid to release?
✨ What belief, pattern, or identity am I willing to let die—so I can fully live?
And I invite you to do the same.
A Space to Explore This Together
I believe in making space for these conversations.
For pausing.
For sitting with the unknown instead of avoiding it.
For letting ourselves ask the hard questions, so we don’t sleepwalk through life.
And that’s why I created Calm & Connect.
A space for stillness. For noticing.
For letting go of what doesn’t serve us—and choosing what does.
If this resonates, come sit with me.
🌿 Join us in Calm & Connect.
💡 Looking for deeper work?
Let’s explore 1:1 coaching or an upcoming retreat.
The Alchemy of Self: Transforming How We See Ourselves, and Therefore, the World ✨
"Our states of mind and our states of being dictate our thoughts, which drive our actions, and ultimately sculpt the reality we experience."
"We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are." - Anais Nin
In the quiet moments of reflection, have you ever pondered over the nature of your reality? Is it a rigid, unchangeable constant, or is it something more malleable, something that shifts with the tides of our perceptions?
For me, this profound insight by Anais Nin captures the essence of our journey. It's not just about changing the scenery around us but transforming the lens through which we view life.
From Personal Experience: At some point, we all yearn for change—be it in a fleeting moment or during life's persistent trials. I have lived through thousands of such moments, both as a child and well into my adulthood, where the only voice I heard was the echo of a desire for something – or everything – to be different, myself included.
I lived in fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, fear that things would change – fearful that things wouldn’t change. Fear permeated my being all the way down to my bones, but it was such a constant companion, I hardly realized its influence and couldn’t imagine life otherwise.
Until it hit me, like a lightning bolt, painful, illuminating and freeing all at once, liberating me into a whole new lease on life.
The quest for happiness, contentment, or success was not about altering my essence but about embracing a new state of mind.
Iterating Out: Decades later, I have watched innumerable clients who arrive at my doorstep with the desire to change their worlds (their jobs, partners, teams, colleagues), shift their relationship with themselves, how they see and treat themselves, and ultimately, generate tectonic shifts in their worlds.
The ever-agitated CEO moved from a world against him to a world which flocked to him.
The fear-riddled entrepreneur moved from a world to be fearful of – to a world which is replete with incredible opportunities.
The inadequate manager riddled with imposter syndrome, watched as her ideas + processes became a global company’s “standard” for processes.
To alter our outcomes, we must work with our minds; how we see ourselves. There is no other way around it.
The Shift: How do we initiate such a transformative shift?
It starts with self-compassion, recognizing and embracing ourselves wholly and completely. To commit, above all else, to treat ourselves with the kindness we would bestow upon others – those we hold most dear.
It takes courage: Courage to be willing to do things differently. Courage to be willing to look at – and then unravel the unconscious stories and beliefs we have nourished and fed over the years; for they have become the dirty filters through which we experience life.
It takes patience and time. The journey of self-transformation and cultivating a loving perspective towards ourselves is not a destination but a continuous path of growth. It’s about carving a new road, not patching a pothole. It’s about sustainability and it’s about living life rather than running away from- or resisting – life.
Closing Thoughts: A journey I’ve dedicated myself to for over 15 years, it’s an onion, continuing to reveal layers of potential, opportunity and boundless love. But in staying committed I know, and have seen too many times to count, that by choosing to really LOVE ourselves, we can indeed change the way we look at things - and in changing our perspectives, we dramatically reshape the world.
And as a peaceful word MUST start within, so too must a joyful, loving world. It MUST begin within.
Join me in this conversation. Share your moments of transformation and how self-compassion has reshaped your view of the world.
And know that if you feel called to dig deeper and want a partner by your side, that’s exactly what I am here for. 🌱 Reach out, book a call, let's connect.
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