When pulling away feels easier than reaching out.

MindfulnessLeadershipLeadership DevelopmentLeadership & Personal GrowthWell-being

Jan 16

I wasn’t planning to send a note today – but after multiple client calls this past week, and in my own life, I felt called to write a brief bonus newsletter and name something that so many of us experience quietly.

I don’t know if it’s because we’ve just passed the darkest time of the year.
Or because Thanksgiving through the holidays asks us to sprint – emotionally, socially, energetically – and then leaves our nervous systems to deal with the crash.

But whatever the reason, this felt important to say out loud.

When I crash, I pull away.

My body and brain say:
We can’t be with the world right now.
It’s not okay to be seen like this.
You’re not fit for consumption.

And when I listen to that voice, the hole I’ve fallen into doesn’t shrink.
It gets deeper. Wider. Lonelier.

One of the hardest things to do in that moment is to reach out.
To respond to messages.
To let someone see me.

And I get it – completely.

That pull to withdraw is the nervous system saying, This is too much.
It’s an attempt at self-protection.

But here’s the part we often forget – and science is very clear about this:

The fastest way we regulate isn’t alone.
It’s in connection.

Not with everyone.
Not in performance or fixing.
But in the presence of one safe human.

One kind voice.
One steady nervous system.
One moment of being seen

I see this all the time with clients.

They’ll say, “I didn’t want to bother you.”
Or, “I should have been able to handle this.”
Or, “I’m usually the strong one.”

And every single time they reach out – every time –
within minutes, their system softens.

Not because I “fix” anything.
But because they are no longer alone with it.
Because with someone, it becomes easier to look at it – and then move through it.

I know this feeling personally too.

I’ve had moments where I thought, I’m the one people come to… who do I go to?
Or, I can’t tax them again.

But the truth is – the people who care about us want to be there.
There is no scorecard.
No shame.
No debt being tallied.

This is one of the reasons I started Calm & Connect back in March of 2020 – a time when nervous systems were really beginning to fray — and why it’s continued for six years and evolved into what I now call The Reset.

A place to land.
To breathe.
To be held in shared presence – without fixing, performing, or explaining.

So if you’re feeling alone…
or disconnected…
or carrying more than feels manageable…

I want to gently encourage you: reach out.

Text someone.
Call someone.
Let yourself be seen – even imperfectly.

And if you don’t know where to begin, you’re always welcome to join us for The Reset, our Sunday Mindful Reset.

We were never meant to carry everything by ourselves.

Connection isn’t a luxury.
It’s how we come back to ourselves.

P.S I’ve included details below for current offerings – including our upcoming Palm Desert retreat, as well as online and Nashville gatherings — in case one feels like a meaningful reset and community right now.