When what used to work stops working
Lately I’ve been in a number of conversations with leaders navigating change.
Not surface-level change.
The kind where who they’ve been… no longer quite fits who they’re becoming.
And what I keep hearing is:
“This is harder than I expected.”
Not because they don’t know how to perform.
But because this kind of growth asks something different.
It asks us to acknowledge something quietly, but honestly:
We’ve changed.
And once we see it… we can’t unsee it.
But instead of moving forward, many of us do something else.
We try to fit back into the version of ourselves that used to work.
We return to familiar patterns.
Familiar roles.
Familiar ways of thinking.
Not because they’re right.
But because they’re known.
A friend in one of these conversations put it perfectly:
We choose familiarity over fulfillment.
And nowhere is that more visible than in these moments.
Because stepping into something new often requires us to shed something old.
A role.
An identity.
A relationship.
A way of being that once made sense.
And that can feel uncomfortable.
Even disorienting.
So we go back.
We try to fit ourselves into the box that used to hold us.
Even when it doesn’t quite fit anymore.
Even when we can feel the friction.
Even when something else is quietly calling us forward.
Years ago, I tried to define this process for myself:
Personal Development (v)
Getting to know ourselves, and choosing to fall in love with ourselves so we can live with intention, connected to ourselves and the world around us.
And what I’ve come to see since then is this:
That part, falling in love with ourselves, isn’t separate from the work.
It’s what allows us to do it.
Because when we’re willing to stay with ourselves,
even as we change,
even as we outgrow old versions,
even as we let go,
we create the space to move forward.
This isn’t easy work.
But it is far easier than continuing to force ourselves into something that no longer fits.
So if you find yourself in that space,
where something feels slightly off
where what once worked no longer quite does
where something new is asking to emerge
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re recognizing something important.
And maybe the work right now isn’t to figure everything out.
But simply to stop trying to fit back into who you used to be.
And to trust that the version of you that’s emerging… is asking for something different.
Warmly,
Rachel
This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about noticing the moment – and choosing differently, even once.
Over time, those moments change the direction… and sometimes, everything that follows.
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