I LOVE outsourcing.
I just think we've gotten a little too comfortable outsourcing some of the wrong things.
In entrepreneurship, I think outsourcing is essential. In leadership, delegation is non-negotiable.
I often tell entrepreneurs: Know thyself. Know what you're brilliant at, and know when your time, energy, and resources are better spent bringing in a system or someone who's brilliant at the things you're not.
But what happens when we start outsourcing our opinions, our decisions, what we want, or what we believe?
Even our definition of success and happiness?
And how often do we realize we're doing it?
For many of us, success was presented as a fairly predictable formula. Work hard. Build a career. Make money. Get married. Buy a house.
Today, we're surrounded by even more versions of what a happy, successful life should look like.
We see people leaving corporate jobs, traveling the world, working from beautiful places, seemingly living their absolute best lives.
And maybe they are!
But we're seeing only a small piece of a much bigger picture. We don't know what their lives feel like behind the scenes, or whether what looks wonderful to us would actually feel wonderful for us.
How easily do we find ourselves pursuing someone else's version of happiness without stopping to ask what happiness looks like for us?
Recently, while exploring possible locations for future retreats, I visited an incredible day camp and spa for adults.
Throughout the day, participants were invited to choose activities based on what they wanted to do.
What fascinated me was how many people immediately turned to their partners to ask what they wanted instead.
When encouraged to answer for themselves, several responded with some variation of, "I'll be happy if they're happy."
And I get that. Deeply.
I genuinely LOVE making other people happy. Sometimes choosing what makes someone else happy is exactly what I want.
But I couldn't help wondering whether, at least sometimes, it's also easier than figuring out what we want for ourselves.
I've caught myself doing versions of this, too.
And after a long day of making decisions, having someone tell us where we're going for dinner can feel like the greatest gift in the world. 😂
But what happens when that habit extends beyond dinner?
I see this in coaching all the time.
If I had a dollar for every time I asked someone what they wanted and heard, "I don't know," I'd have a very nice little piggy bank. ;)
Or the equally familiar:
"I just wish they'd tell me what they want from me."
The boss. The organization. The partner. The client.
Tell me what you need, and I'll do it.
Sometimes we're not just outsourcing the decision. We're outsourcing the responsibility that comes with making it.
And sometimes it's not even about finding the best answer. It's the relief of not having to be the one who decides.
I get it.
When we're exhausted, overwhelmed, or facing uncertainty, our brains naturally look for ways to conserve energy and make things easier.
Thinking for ourselves takes work.
Questioning something we've believed for years takes work. So does acknowledging that something we've been pursuing might not actually be what we want.
And this doesn't stop with our personal preferences.
It extends to what we believe about the world around us.
We're surrounded by information, opinions, and advice. We hear something from people we respect, admire, or trust. We hear it again. And again.
And eventually, something we've heard enough times can start to feel like something we've concluded for ourselves.
It's remarkably easy to mistake familiarity for truth.
I've certainly had to question plenty of my own assumptions along the way.
And to be clear, I'm not suggesting we stop seeking other people's perspectives. Quite the opposite!
We NEED people with different experiences, expertise, and ideas. People who challenge what we think we know and help us see what we might otherwise miss.
But there's a difference between seeking someone's perspective and handing over our judgment.
We can listen, ask questions, consider the evidence, and arrive at our own conclusions.
And sometimes, we'll discover we were wrong.
Wonderful!
We get to change our minds. We get to learn something new and choose differently.
In fact, that's part of what we miss when we consistently let others decide for us: the opportunity to discover that we can make a decision, get it wrong, and still navigate what comes next.
So please, keep outsourcing! I'm certainly going to. ;)
But perhaps we could become a little more discerning about what we're handing over.
Because we don't have to know everything. And we certainly don't have to get everything right.
But we owe ourselves the opportunity to decide what we think, what we want, and how we live.
And maybe a good place to start is to notice the next time we instinctively look to someone else for an answer.
Before asking what they think, what they want, or what they would do, perhaps we could ask ourselves:
What do I think? And why?
But at least we've given ourselves the opportunity to make up our own minds in the first place.
If this reflection resonated, I'd love to continue the conversation.
Whether through a guided meditation, leadership coaching, a keynote, or another reflection, my hope is always the same:
To help you lead and live with greater clarity, presence, and possibility.
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