Before the conversation even began: How we carry outcomes into the room.
There are moments where something feels decided before anything has even happened.
A conversation you’re convinced will go poorly.
A decision that already feels made.
An interaction you’re bracing for before you even walk into the room.
You can feel the tension in your body before a word is spoken.
And in those moments, most of us do something very human.
We brace.
We prepare for impact.
We rehearse what we’re going to say.
We walk in already carrying the outcome we don’t want.
But what I’ve been reminded of again and again is this:
It’s rarely as fixed as it feels.
The moment we pause – even briefly – something opens.
Not because the situation suddenly changes.
But because we do.
We stop reacting to the version of the moment we’ve already created in our minds and begin engaging with what’s actually here.
And often, better questions emerge.
What if there’s a better outcome here?
How do I actually want this to go?
Who do I need to be to move it in that direction?
I saw this recently with a leader heading into a conversation she was dreading.
She was frustrated.
Tight.
Already certain how it would unfold.
So we paused.
And instead of preparing for the worst, we asked a different question:
What if this could actually go well?
What if you didn’t have to walk in defending yourself?
What if you could enter the conversation grounded, curious, and open instead of braced?
That shift alone changed the tone of the interaction.
The other person hadn’t changed.
But she had.
And the conversation followed.
These moments seem small.
They’re not.
Because when we shift our internal state – even slightly – we change:
what we notice
how we listen
what we say
what becomes possible
This is the part of mindfulness that often gets missed.
It’s not just awareness.
It’s awareness followed by intentional action.
The ability to recognize when we’ve already predicted an outcome…
and consciously choose how we want to enter the moment instead.
Because the way we show up — the way we pivot our energy, engage instead of brace — shapes far more than we realize.
Not just the interaction itself –
But what we carry forward from it.
What we remember.
How we relate to ourselves afterward.
So the next time something feels fixed…
a conversation,
a decision,
a moment you’re not looking forward to –
you might ask yourself:
What if this moment isn't as fixed as it feels?
And:
How do I want to enter it?
This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about noticing the moment — and choosing differently, even once.
Because over time, those moments shape us more than we realize.
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